You should NEVER !!!

You should NEVER run for 500 metres, in the rain, in sandal-shoes, just after taking dinner, on a slippery road, with only a copy to keep you "unwet", with two equally 'useless' boys, only to reach the Department, when YOU HAVE YOUR ENDSEMS STARTING THE NEXT DAY.

Or should you ????
Well, decision to be made after tomorrow's test.

Lots to write, just waiting for the endsems to get over.
Next week, this time, I will be getting ready for my first day at work !!!
Loads happening in my life, amd yet something (so very important) seems amiss.

Wish me luck for the next 3 days ..4 exams .. hopefully no more sprints in the rain :)

"Joru ka ghulam"

Someone who goes by the name of 'tidu' wanted me to advertise my matrimonial (un)suitability through this tagging thing. So, with brutal honesty tempered by mild narcissism, I state that everything written below (that's restricted to this post only, not the whole blog:P) is true.

Five reasons why I would make a good husband :
1) Simply because I will love my wife as much as I possibly can. I will always have love and time for her. My priorities in life are very clear. Family first, for everything else, I prefer to choose a way of life termed "procrastination".

2) Someday I would love to have a sweet little family of my own. Though that doesn't mean that I have already started planning my kid's names, it does mean I have started planning names for my wingies' kids ;). Actually, I love kids and would love to have a couple of my own to pamper :) and ..... (well, a lot of things which could come under my paternal suitability post)

3) I am more of a listener. So, my wife can always expect to be heard till she is tired out. Of course, I will often need her support and advice and given the fact that it comes from her, I will try and stick to it all the more.

4) This is a little complex. I think I will be more happy to see the joyous expression on her face upon hearing of my success than for actually achieving something. In other words, one could say, that her one smile would be my driving force for so many things. (Precondition is though that I should really love her smile)

5) I will trust her completely and am not really the possessive type. So, she can have her space and more. But I do think I will be able to understand when she needs a hug, rather than a one-km radius of empty space around her. And since I am the perfectly one-woman kind of a person, she can be possessive or blindly confident of my fidelity, and never be let down.

Since, we are supposed to mention only five points, I will just add in passing that I love shopping :) (somehow that is quite a fav amongst the fairer sex) & lovey-dovey movies.


Now, onto some actually true statements :
Why I would make a bad husband :
1) I can't dance. So unless taught, I might be disappointing my wife in case she wants a husband who can dance (to her tunes ;-) ).

2) I am not the strongest man on the planet. My feeble physique means that I will not be able to confront goons on the slightest instigation. So, if my wife has a lot of 'bad' ex-boyfriends, I cannot actually please her by bashing them up.

3) I am no Brad Pitt. So for all those Angelina Jolies or other girls looking for the stereotype "tall, dark and handsome" guy, I could prove to be a real dampener. That being said, people haven't yet called me hideous, so I believe that when I do put up a mirror in my room, it wouldn't crack ;)

4) As of now, I am really afraid of driving. So, those long drives might often take place with my wife at the wheel.

5) This is the slot that you can fill up. Let me know how I can improve my chances in this cut-throat world of competition.

Statutory warning : There are no guarantees that by the time I am 40 (maybe even 35), I won't be snoring in my sleep, have all my teeth, and not grey completely. So whoever is willing to finally say 'yes, i do', better bring a 'snore-less' sleeping therapy, a good dentist's contact and a life-long supply of L'oreal hair-dye for 'dowry' ;).

Hope, after all this, somebody still finds it in her to come into my life and change it forever (for the better of course, if I might add).

"Now is the time to try something new" ???

If all things go as they should, I should be outside India exactly a month from now. For the first time, I might add. Of course, there are some anxieties over the visa (still haven't got an interview date). However, in these matters, luck somehow finds me. Otherwise what did I really possess that entitled me to this wonderful opportunity in the first place ??

Don't really expect to miss my country (I am not exactly patriotic, though I think I should be a little more). Will miss my family, friends, the leisurely summer life in campus :D and a lot of other things. Hope all that will be made up for... and I will come back richer with some wonderful memories and experiences.

So, hoping for the best (and not thinking about the worst), I need to focus on some other issues that demand urgent attention. Networks test, Java assignment, Mircosoft study material, PPC (finally met the man .. had a decent discussion... looking forward to meeting the man again) and BTP work ....
And yes, there are more : Desperate Housewives, Joey, Apprentice, Apprentice UK, Hustle, Heist, One Tree Hill & The O.C. Of course, orkut and blogs to supplement. The occasional movie. The latest addition to the list .. bhatting :D

Its been a roller-coaster week (though I really didn't have any abrupt high .. had an almost all-time low :( ). A little indecision still remains, but this is the closest I have ever got to taking the decision that I so should have taken. As of now, I think I will put it on hold again. And orkut fortunes keep playing games with me ...
Over the last three days ...
"You will never have to worry about a steady income" !!! ... wish that comes true :)
"This winter you will have an unusual shower of success" !!!! ... wouldn't hurt to have some luck in the Apps either.
"Now is the time to try something new" ... Now this one is a bit dodgy. Just hope I was a little less sentimental and a little more resolute.

Its April Fool's day ...
While the whole world is busy fooling one another, I am trying desperately to fool my foolish heart into seeing some sense.

P.S. Nothing is as bad as it really seems. Its just that one gets some strange satisfaction from describing the 'not-quite-existent' overwhelming circumstances that cloud their existence.

Life with some luck and a weak heart

Lucky me !!!
Found out this week that I was actually the IR 1 for one whole semester (of course, I still maintain that arka's CG was more than me, so he was rightfully the IR 1 then .. and undoubtedly IS, now). Nonetheless, it felt strange to know of it now, when I am certainly no longer entitled to such an onerous title.
Not complaining though, because the strange rules in the system made me richer by Rs.10,500 over the whole year :D

Visa problems ... H-3 isn't the most common visa ... so can't be confident about it till I actually get it :(. Also, it doesn't help to have a very busy corporate legal expert overseeing your visa documents ... he never has time to appease you when you are tense.
So, for everyone waiting for the treats, please pray that the visa comes through on time. For those not waiting ... pray nonetheless if you have free time .. you can always claim your treat if the visa comes through ... only claims (proved by a comment on the blog) will be acknowledged ;)

Had a nice Saturday evening ... nice dinner with a lot of chicken :) [vegies .. plz read 'chicken' as 'paneer/mushrooms/veg. jaipuri(LS version only)'] .. then lazing around on GolC .. then Netaji top .. and then Aunties. In fact, quite a nice day .. fraught with movies and tv series :D and no work. May such Saturdays fill up my life. "Amen" (... Catholic school education, you see)

Do watch "The English Patient" at the earliest possible opportunity. Really nice movie ... and perfectly in sync with my favourite genre :)

And finally, have you ever felt that giving up something you really want is so so hard?
In the wake of new information, it seems that I should finally accept that some things are just not meant to be. However, there's something called a heart too, and it calls all the shots in my world. After, much deliberation, my heart is undecided ... the seeds of doubt have been sown .. and that's a new thing. Wish my heart was a little stronger :(
"The heart has reasons, that reasons cannot know"

And all these things just prove the great leveller that life really is ...
You might get things that you never thought of getting (and never actually deserved) ... you face new obstacles in long-cherished dreams even after you thought they had come true ("Many a slip between the internship offer and joining on time") ... you have nice times with nice friends, and your heart is filled with an inner peace ... yet, you are denied what you desire the most, all the time not even knowing the reason of such desire !!!

In such times, when the mind wishes to explore more ...
reality (in the form of java assignments and s/w engg tests) knocks on the door. Oh! its actually dpc ...


PS : "It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about." ... so true !!

Sand, Sea and Stars

The initial plan was to go to Varanasi, after our midsems. With Kashiyatra also on the same weekend, the setting was perfect. But when do things turn out the way we want them to ??!! This time around, Pandey didn't want to go home, so we ran out of shelter in VNS. Change of plans ... a hurried plan to go to Chandipur (a beach near Balasore .. 3 hours from kgp). That too almost got cancelled the night before departure, but Katoch's insistence paid off.

Friday afternoon .. we were squeezed and squashed in the unreserved compartment of East Coast Express and on our way. The 3-hours short journey was a plus. By 4 o' clock, we were in the hotel and in the water by 4:45. Now this beach is quite unlike any of my previously explored beaches (Puri, Digha, Chennai, Mumbai etc.. ) .. its just plain for about 5 kms !!! even if you walk 3 kms into the sea, the water only rises to your waist!!!!!!

The water was great fun .. and then the lazy relaxing on the beach under a moonless, starry sky !!! And the thin population on the beach added to the attraction :). The food was good .. not great .. but good nonetheless .. with the ice-creams, bhujias, fish fries and finger chips and pakodas .. yum yum!!!

Saturday morning was spent exploring the beach upto a nearby forest. Kundu being Kundu (actually catching a crab !!), the cool shades in the edge of the forest and the red-carpet of the crabs on the beach .. quite memorable !! Afternoon of cards and then hitting the water with a tennis ball this time .. more fun, more fun !!! Finally felt like kgp with all its pressures (now thts an exaggeration) was a distant nightmare. More star-gazing in the night on the beach .. just thinking of what life is, could have been and can be ... quality time. And then the absolutely meaningless conversations and bhaats ......

Woke up at 6:12 on Sunday morning .. the sunrise was scheduled at 6:15 .. however, the sun was out when i reached the beach, confirming my suspicion that the times weren't updated. Nonetheless, the just-risen sun was serene .. enjoyable .. the trip was coming to an end. The return train (again an unreserved compartment in East Coast) was less crowded and we sat, slept and played cards.

Finally back in kgp at noon. Quite a trip. Enjoyable for all the right reasons .. should be planning some more in the months to come. For now, should concentrate on ensuring dpc finishes the Java assignments quickly .. got to outsmart MOSS then ;-). And a few more things to take care of.

Best memory :
Lying on the beach and looking at the starlit sky ... seeing more stars than I have ever seen before .. gentle breeze and the distant splashing of the waves.

And now I want to be back there again :(

The Wonder Years

I have watched quite a few TV series, while in Kharagpur. Namely the evergreen "Friends", the suave "Apprentice" and the not-so-suave "Apprentice UK", the slapstick "Joey", the teenage-drama "One Tree Hill", the classical "Rome", the strangely-popular "Desperate Housewives", the ribald "Coupling", the clever-twins "Hustle" and "Numb3rs" ..... . .

Now, I feel a little guilty that if I were to line up the courses I took here, the latter list would be shorter !! But, thats beside the point.

The one series that I like the most, can relate to the most, brings tears to my eyes the most (not tears of sadness, mostly of inspiration and joy - though I never shed them, a little discrete about that :-) ), the one series that is closest to my heart would be "The Wonder Years". It might be due to the strange fact that Kevin Arnold (the protagonist) is just in High School and in the early seventies - so in mental maturity, pretty similar to me ;-). But its not just that. The simplicity with which so many incidents are narrated, the valuable lessons of life (like passing in a math exam .. lol) that come through .... its wonderful.

I still remember that I first saw a few episodes of TWY at the start of my second year, when I was going through a difficult phase. And how I just kept on watching those episodes, one after another .... I just loved it.

Had a torrid first half of the week - when three out of four exams walked down the line of 'horrible-ness' despite my best efforts (which started Sunday evening, and included two trips to Billoos on Monday and Tuesday evening :-) ). Realized that 'A' is actually a pretty good grade and there a lot of people who are happier than me with an 'A' or 'B'. But, I guess everyone has some 'moh-maaya' in his/her life. For me, this just currently happens to be 'My grades'. All I need is a 'Weenie' (that's the best way of spelling the name that I could think of) Cooper and then I can bid adieu to post-bad-examination regret.

And this rekindled love for TWY was initiated by watching two episodes yesterday in Katoch's room. Kevin Arnold thinking ---- "I thought there was a connection between me and Weenie through the spotlight. All I knew was that by focussing the spotlight on her, I was holding her up, and I couldn't let her down. I just couldn't let her down ... "

I just wish that I can enjoy "The Wonder Years" as much when I am fifty and dying. Let the little innocence and goodness in me never die out.

"Dreams come true"

If you haven't read my previous post, you might as well go ahead and do that, to 'understand' and "enjoy" this post more.

So, now that you know of my two dearest dreams (assuming you managed to decode "the bespectacled smile"), it gives me great pleasure in announcing the realization of one of them. Ironically, this is the only that I had actually achieved in my dreams. Even my dreams have never treaded into the proximity of "the smile".

Microsoft Research, Redmond.
The positives :

• Always wanted this Internship more than any other
• More money than anything else
• Its Microsoft, and its Research ... a terrific combination
• Great work, I am sure (though I am yet to find out what it is!!)
• Don't need to worry about how much I would be making/saving (will be more than enough)
• The 'dpc' factor : this was a late addition. What an entry !!!! No mail, no interview, just direct offer !!! Guess, that's the way the real studs operate (P.S. : I also got selected in a group which didn't interview me, some other group had ...... so that makes me a pseudo-stud, at least :D). So, now I can once again work the way I do, that is dpc works, I appreciate it, suggest modifications and then he works again ... hmmm, MSR must really love me, they just have a perfect summer planned out for me.
• A lot more reasons to cheer .. will find out as they unfold post 2nd May .. will keep posting in this space ... promise :)

The negatives :

• No "Evening at Eiffel Tower with ....." : But when thr was no '.....' , then what charm would Eiffel Tower have had ??
• Arka didn't get it. That would have been real fun. Though, a man of his calibre, deserves better .... and USC is more suited to his ambitions and interests. But would have been nice with him there.
• That's enough. A dream Internship isn't supposed to have too many negatives anyways.

For all those who have been congratulating me throughout the day,
THANKS !!!! Special thanks to my wingies and Kundu (kind of hoping this special mention will make them considerate when they go for the cal treat ;). Hopefully, will be in a position to give you all a treat .. contact dpc for more details ;)

Here's looking at the larger picture :
Big dream 1 : IITJEE - cleared with flying colours, undeservedly
Big dream 2 : The bespectacled smile - failed miserably, most probably, deservedly
Big dream 3 : MSR Internship - achieved, undeservedly ;)
Big dream 4 : As of now, 'the smile' .... its only when you have achieved all your dreams that you feel complete ......... completely happy :) - outcome : unknown, prediction : failure :((

Here's remembering the day which has been my happiest since (well .. cant remember the exact date when JEE results came out :P) ... ya, since that time. A day when India won the cricket series in Pakistan, my mother celebrated her birthday by getting a tooth pulled out, dpc celebrated waking up to a real surprise, venu celebrated being on cloud 9 and I ..... I realized it was time I became a little more deserving for all the wonderful things that keep happening to me.

For those expecting an amazing galvanization in me, I would like to tell you that I have these realizations once every month on an average. So ...

For those not expecting an amazing galvanization in me, I would like to remind them that its not every month that I get a Microsoft Research Internship. So ...

And now, since I am not in a mood to study for the remote Monday test, I will try and decide to which of the above groups I belong, should belong, would like to belong and so on ....

Endnote : "Dreams come true" (Westlife) ... Favorite music ... 'eternal optimist' ? ... impossible dream ... 'power cut .. darkness around .. bespectacled smile' .... a summer to remember (2005 or 2006) ? .... "Dreams come true", sometimes.

Of Unfulfilled Dreams ...

Its been an agonising month, for more reasons than one.
What started off as a year full of promise, soon turned into one of despair ... hadn't actually thought I would undergo this much anxiety in getting an Internship.

Tried really hard (of course, by my standards ... but four night outs in five qualifies by most standards, i guess) for Mission Mars. And got stuck where I am most helpless - code debugging. Then, bombed in Overnite, blamed dpc needlessly :). Still won rs.500 (thanks to sourish and everywhere else it is due). Also won some bucks in Spring fest(WTGW .. thanks to sourish), and some cash in C up and Mindsport (thanks to me, finally) .

Internship Blues :
Microsoft Research turned out to be a real hard nut to crack (turned down Bangalore myself (though I am not sure if they would have taken me .. just that I told them I wasn't interested in the middle of the interview) , and Redmond never even called up :(( ). Then

• Aachen not taking 3rd years
• Renouncing Dortmund and
  
• The final fiasco - INRIA too (avoiding details .. wishing well to all those who have applied)
  

Even when almost everything is lost, something remains. After all, good things happen not to good people, but to those who have the best wishes of good people. So, something turned up for me. To those who know details, please avoid them till absolute confirmation. To those who don't, just ask and I will use my discretion is answering ;)

Thanks to all the good people around and not so much around .. who made this possible.

But my dearest dreams remain unfulfilled ....
The bespectacled smile lit by a computer screen, and everything around just dark (hail the inventor of UPS ;-) ) ...
And now MSR, Redmond.

What would it take to at least try to make a genuine wish come true ...
'Coz the biggest regret is when you don't even get a chance to make a mistake ... and you are just left in the lurch to accept that ................ (i really don't know)'

Not really as bitter as I may sound ... but a little sad nonetheless.

In the moment :

• AI test tomorrow, the subject I always wanted to study, but just not feeling like it now :(
• My mom came here today - saw her after a long time, felt really good :)

Time to look ahead. But, the foolish mind looks back even when there is (and never was) nothing to look back to. And then, it stares at the vastness ahead, with the hope of fulfilling some impossible dreams .... "An evening at the Eiffel Tower with .. " flashes by ...

And then, the mind comes back to the present ... and this is where i will kindly take your leave .. AI test tomorrow :(( .
Well-wishers, please start praying.
Thanks.

Euphoria

Spring Fest 2006

What a start !!! School friend (meeting Arijit after 1.5 year) , college friends(meeting Mani, Pandey, Niksam, Bharath and Katoch after 1.5 mins or hours :P ) and then EUPHORIA (meeting them after 1.5 lives perhaps ;-) )

With all the pushing and shoving and an almost stampede ... the show had to be something really special to "break even" in terms of all the effort invested simply to get in. But to put it simply, it was awesome !!!




Well .. they just sang songs .. often manipulating tunes to quite an extent .. cacophonic on occasions .. but it was great. Really enjoyable . The evening had everything ...

• Fun .... "Ladke hamesha pyaar mein laath khate hain, aur ladkiyan hamesha laath marti hai" .. nice Euphoria funda, little twists ("Its my life" - Jon Bon Jovi, "Another brick in the wall" - Pink Floyd, "We will rock you" - Five and Queen and the list continues..) , standing up and sitting down and standing up again only to sit down once more
• The cellphone dance :) ... last year's charm still remains
• A little remembrance .. "Aankhen bandh kar loon jo main, dekhoon bas tumhe"
• A lot of memories ... "Maaeri, yaad woh, yaad woh aayeri i i i i i"
• Third Year confidence ... once TOAT was a little empty, went right up to the stage and took pics (cameras, i think, are not allowed)
• A little dancing !! Well .. as much as I am capable of :) .. which, of course, is literally nil ;)
• Loads and tons and loads of singing and shouting
• Personal discovery .. my teeth appear really white in Canon A-410 digicam pics (the detailed specification 'coz in every other scenario, they appear off-white ;) )
• Great music .. that comes as an after-thought

The whole atmosphere was great (with the exception of the gentleman from behind who kept on requesting for 'Emraan Hashmi' songs). Every individual that appreciates music must have enjoyed.

It was one of those evenings when you are just happy and you don't worry too much about anything else ... when you just forget your troubles (as if I have any ;) ) and partake in the reverie ...

To describe the mood succinctly ...

Euphoria

Decisions

We are given one life, and the decision is our whether to wait for circumstances to make up our mind, or whether to act, and in acting, to live.

Most of the things we decide are not what we know to be the best. We say yes, merely because we are driven into a corner and must say something.

Every decision is liberating, even if it leads to disaster. Otherwise, why do so many people walk upright and with open eyes into their misfortune?

We all make decisions every other moment --- some decisions which have no bearing after an hour, others which stay with us for the rest of our life.

This semester, has been all about decisions .. I guess its like the real-life application of taking decisions under monstrous constraints of opportunity and time. And here I am, the dreamy-eyed simple minded boy who thought which IIT to join would be the toughest decision I would ever have to make !!!

But that was actually easy .. 'coz my heart was sure that I wanted to go to Kgp .. closer to home for 4 years before I went out for a new life. Now, my heart is torn apart. It seems that "the problem of plenty" is indeed a problem. It places the blame of a bad decision on your shoulders and not on 'lack of opportunity'. So, having all the projects on offer to choose from, really was a curse in disguise as I carefully tried to optimize the project contents, the scope of innovation, chances of publication and finally the reputation of the Professor himself.

It finally came down to the classic tussle between an established best professor(who is too busy, at times) and an upcoming, second-best professor. Close-call : Reason said that I should go for the upcoming prof with better chances of a publication (he was also kind of interested in taking me). However, since when did I become intelligent ???

So, I took the plunge and listened to my heart. Selected the Prof with reputation. After all, he is GOD and if there was one person I wanted to work with in IIT, it was this man. Childhood dream coming true ... but you might just be reading in this very space after a couple of months about how frustated I am 'coz my prof has no time for me. Real possibility : but that's the risk you take to listen to your heart. And when I was really undecided, I called up my mom !!!!
And she made the decision for me .. or rather I made her say what I wanted to hear !! So, its no longer my decision -- so no blame on me :)
And going by the record, my mom's decisions never go wrong .. so I should be just fine. And even if I am not, my mom's there to take the blame :)

"The heart is always wiser than the intellect"

After all, we will occasionally make a bad decision .... but I guess that happiness lies in looking at it as the second-best decision that you could have made. And well, for a person who has always been second-best all his life, second-best is like 'as good as it gets'. I can live with the fact that i listened to my heart and made a bad choice, but making a bad choice by ignoring the heart really hurts .

So, done with decisions !!!!
Well ..................................................... not really.

"Wait for Microsoft Research or go to Dortmund/INRIA/Aachen ?????" Any suggestions anybody ?? Even my mother shied away from calling on this one ;)

21 !!

Striking out one more year from my not-so-illustrious life, birthdays (or rather the 25th hour of your birthday) are often reserved for retrospection. If you actually draw up a list of the people who wished you last year to the ones who wished you this time around, you get an inkling of how you have fared in the lives of others. And of course for those, i expected would call me up but never did ... i guess i let them down at some point of time . Unless of course they were monstrously busy or just didn't have strong enough memories or well-programmed reminders ... in all the above cases, the only way to redeem yourselves is by sending me a present from wherever you are on the face of this planet ;-)

So .. 21 !! Now i can officially lose my bachelor's degree ( and i have my mom's permission to do so as well ;-) ) but need a bride ...hmmm . But seriously , this is the best time to recap the year gone by .. if only for my benefit :)

• Had an academic high last semester and probably an academic low this time around.
• Wonderful Chennai trip last winter
• The most eventful summer ... definitely the most profound influence on my mindscape in the last few years
• A little re-arrangement of priorities : Grades are not the ultimate objective of life. You must enjoy what you are doing(something that i didn't in the last semester) . Must do all the mundane coding assignments MYSELF.
• The most torturous couple of months (September-end to November-end) made me almost want to quit studies. In fact did so before the last two exams .. and hence will get an A in OS :((. However, i think the experience helped me in becoming a better man.
• Realized where my heart is. And I think its in the right place ...

About the year ahead .. definitely one of the most important years academically .. because by this time next year i would have completed applying to all the universities .. so whatever extraordinary (:P) thing i have to do , has to be done within the next 11 months or so. Too less time, too much work :((

So i guess i will just bail out.

Hey !! I am 21 now. Got to be more responsible than that. So will start working right now. At almost 1 in the morning with a dozen mosquitoes continuously coaxing me to go to bed. Testing times ahead....

The tumble and how i got lucky

Exams over :((
:(( because the last two (the only two departmental subjects this sem) were a complete disaster simply because i didn't try hard enough ...

Anyways , i guess the damage has been done .. no point crying over spilt milk.
So decided to have dinner outside tonight for the second night in a row .. and we decided to go Waldorf (farthest from campus .. with the exception of PD) ...
Hmm .. trouble brewing ..

The usual stuff .. i had no bicycle (that is kind of a physical constant now ;) ) .. so took a ride from niksam . Now the unusual stuff ...

We always go in a group ... but today samar felt that we could just start and they would catch up .. fine by me . So we started .. waited at the first railway crossing (thats a rarety in itself) .. our group still was nowhere in sight .. Now we were descending the slope that takes us beyond Midtown .. the speed was a little too much .. i could see the second crossing also closed ... and suddenly my leg got stuck in the front wheel or so i think .. and then there was a tumble ................

Next thing i knew .. i was on the road .. bleeding from the nose .. was in the middle of the road .. so quickly moved to the side .. and just stood there and tried to estimate the damage .. i could feel the parts of my face .. so i realized i wasnt totally disfigured .. my nose was bleeding and my lips and forehead were really swollen and i was kind of giddy ..

Enough of me .. i looked around for nikhil and saw him close to me .. he was badly injured .. much worse than me .. and though i couldn't see my face .. i could feel that someone here was really hurt .. and it wasn't me . Thankfully the locals were very helpful .. they offered to take our cycle back to the hall .. and we hopped on a rickshaw and off to B.C. Roy.

On the way , i can remember being afraid that niksam was seriously hurt .. and then trying to check if my memory was working properly :) , also talking to kundu and telling him of the mishap.

In B.C.Roy : The doctor and nurses were prompt but not very caring .. they did something but could have done a little more. Niksam was apparently badly injured, while i required a second look even to make out i wasn't totally alright( that much for being able to conceal my wounds :) ). I felt bad for niksam, especially 'coz he has an exam on tuesday. Anyways we were out of there in about 15 minutes. Thankfully our friends were there now, so i felt reassured.

Now, of course, the primary objective beckoned once more .. we needed food !! So .. off to vegies .. and for today buterscotch ice cream and strawberry shake and cheese sandwich and some aloo paratha .. enough delicacies.. and avoiding the spices which could attack the internal lip cuts .. niksam still looked a little rattled .. but finally was returning to normal .

As for me .. well .. i am writing this post .. so i guess that is reassuring enough for anyone concerned about my well-being. This accident adds one more "item" to my growing list of experiences (which include pretty weird things like - "being caught for ticketless travel after having bought a ticket" , "being caught trying to give a fake note at a bank!! "). I should be fine in about a couple of days .. till then obviously my mental faculties are severely impaired so dpc will have to complete the Compilers assignment :D.

Only feel sorry for niksam and wish he gets well soon (and real soon) so that he can give a good exam on tuesday. And just for the record .. Niksam .. Ur nose is just fine , it hasnt been pushed to a side as many would make you believe ;)

P.S. : This might not be over yet . Tomorrow morning, we go back the hospital (B.C.Roy , that is) for a check-up and more medicines. The true picture will be out only then.

The tale of two nights

So often , life just takes you on a tour you are only too familiar with ...

June 23rd :
The night before i left for ahmedabad. After an "eventful" day , i had a night out and then took the train back home early morning. Sourish was there that night. And i had exactly 12 hours to wash my clothes and get them dried.

November 7th :
The night before i leave for ahmedabad (that is today) . Again after an "eventful" day with a test , a couple of assignment submissions and some other things , i had a night out (almost .. actually dozed off at 4 .. and then missed the 7 o' clock train) and then took a train back home. Sourish was in my room last night too, though only for a short time (given that he now has other things on his agenda ;-) ). The only difference being that today i just have 3 hours .. no clothes to wash .. in fact nothing to do .. so writing a post !!

Between the two above mentioned dates , a lot has happened . The most torturous semester has almost passed by (thankfully) , i have seen quite a few failures (which last year had been victories .. read illumination, debate) and for the first time ever ... i actually gave good exmas and didn't quite get the marks i thought i would !!! Well ..

And yet there remains things which just dont change ... things that you are too familiar with , some things you'd want to change but can't . And then you probably wonder .. maybe just let it remain the way it is .. after all "The heart is always wiser than the intellect" and something might happen 'before its too late'.

And now , i must hope that my presentation in ahmedabad is acceptable and i can return with full dignity. One thing's for sure , i am not going to get stuck there this time around no matter how much it rains !!! Because i am flying in and out :)

Which reminds me of my very first post on this blog "A Walk in the Clouds" ---

Oh !!! "So often , life just takes you on a tour you are only too familiar with ..."

Caught in a deadlock

"Life is a journey , one which is much better travelled with a companion by our side . But sometimes we lose our companion along the way , and then the journey becomes unbearable ."

Life , as we know it , starts from the moment we wake up everyday . And mine started today with a nightmare , which broke and gave way to another ..... "nightmare" !! 7:26 !! .. 4 minutes to the OS class . Brushing up , skipping breakfast , still walking to class ('coz of my now 'permanently' defunct bicycle) , reaching class 15 minutes late and only missing out on a piece of the professor's mind ;) .. not bad actually .

But kept thinking of the nightmare throughout .. somehow even the topic covered reflected the dilemma i was contemplating about .. DEADLOCK !! Lets just say that I had thought forgetting something important was possible .. but it seems far from over . And this battle cant be won , has to be fought alone and could well be devastating .

Life is about baseless expectations , limitless desires , a heart filled with hope ....
and then the shattering of it all .
And even then you dont quite learn your lesson .. dont quite stop dreaming .. cant quite stop expecting .. coz if you do , you lose the very quintessence of life .. HOPE .
And then it gets shattered all over again and more painfully this time around .
But can you give up hope ? Dont know , but seems i so want to , but cant ...

And amidst all this , life moves on .. you dont forget to smile at little jokes with friends , dont forget to listen to your friends and help them out , dont forget to pull their legs overtime , dont forget to complete your assignments , dont forget to watch movies and serials , dont forget the thousand other things that make up life ... and you dont forget HAPPINESS either ( just that it will take some more time and invention of a new route to get there)
But what you CANT forget is what you most want to ... and your foolish heart just doesnt let you forget !!! And you cant help wondering , if you really deserved all the pain ...

After all , if you knew DEADLOCKs , you would know that it isn't really easy to get out of them once you get into one ..

"Life is a journey , one which is much better travelled with a companion by our side . Still , despite our best intentions , some of us will lose our companions along the way , and then the journey becomes unbearable . You see , human beings are designed for many things , but loneliness isn't one of them."

N.B. : Don't read into these as overtures to my personal life . They might appear a bit too personal , as going through them just suggested to me .. but you would really be on a wild goose chase if you thought that they were a direct reference to me . And just in case you liked the opening and closing quotes ... picked up from 'Desperate Housewives' ;)

What would you do ??

Watched a movie after ages . Thankfully , it was a wonderful one , at least i felt so .
Now there is a thing in these romantic movies - they are often too idyllic or in 'unromantic' terms "unrealistic" . But then , isn't a movie also supposed to portray our dreams . And which one person in this entire world doesn't wish his/her life to be absolutely and inexplicably perfect and blissful !!!!

If only
Unassuming , simplistic movie (for details , watch the movie .. its decent enough if you are into the romantic genre) . The only thing that sticks for sometime after the credits is the pretty hackneyed question :
What would you do if you knew that this was the last day of your life ?
Personally , the first thing that comes to my mind is : ask for an extension ;-) . But jokes and materialistic thinking apart , this is one question which i think defines the priorities in our lives . The answer to this defines our very existence . Maybe that is why its not the easiest question to answer . And over the years the answer also keeps changing as our character evolves .

But the general idea is always to get a little closer to the people who really matter to you
If you aren't close , get closer .
If you are pretty close already , get closer still .
And then you will feel the time running out on you and you'll wish
if only .. i could have one more day .

And now i must get back to the drudgery of OS and compilers and ...... As i sign off , you'd better start planning because you'll only have ONE last day in your life ( ;-) ) and the catch is
"You can never quite guess it or fix it" .

Of dreams and miracles ...

Remember the time when you looked at the stars as a child !!!
And you thought that they were there only for your taking , all that was needed was a little request to your mom or dad , and they would get it for you :)

The thing is :
Whenever its your first time at something , you dont really know what to expect . So you want something which could be categorized as nothing short of a miracle . And you start living this dream . Hindrances along the way only make you believe even more that the MIRACLE is in the offing . So when does the bubble burst ?? Dont quite know .... but till it does , you pray and hope with all your heart that it comes true .
And maybe once in a lifetime , it does .....
And thats the hope that keeps us going . Thats the inspiration in our darkest hours . The light at the end of the tunnel . The shining stars in a pitch black sky .

However one must never forget - "Living your dream is not just about attaining the result , it is about who you become along the way." As long as you can do that , you deserve to keep dreaming and i daresay , deserve to actually see your dream come true .

And what if it doesn't ????????? Now thats a possibility with probability almost equal to unity but not one i am considering right now . You see , I am living my dream and if i can have just one miracle in my life , let this be it .


P.S. the above thoughts do not quite apply to the regular things in life . its only the most precious things that we dream about and need a miracle to achieve . keep dreaming and one day , it will come true :)

On a starry night ...

This post severely disregards the common perception of a timeline .. so best enjoyed as little independent anecdotes ......

Coming back from LS (after a dinner that took 3 hours, including 2 hours spent just waiting for the food !!!) the most noticeable thing was the absolutely cloudless STARRY sky . Driven by an almost compulsive urge to just gaze at the glittering sky and the support of two friends , went to Gol-C (for the first time ever during a semester) . On the way , the 'romanticism' of the railway tracks was a nice touch to a refreshing evening .

Gol-C : memory refreshed ....
17th june midnight (with udit and jadda)
22nd june evening (with sourish)
tonight (with kundu and loadu .. sourish was lurking in the background somewhere with asha ;) )
the three instances connected by the stars , me and my thoughts . Thoughts which intensified with time, and yet didn't change direction at all . In fact , i remember telling sourish something that evening and thats what is precisely happening now . Confusing ??? I know !!! So lets just concentrate on the stars ... as i lay with my back on the well-trimmed spongy grass (now its pretty ticklish at times) , my mind kept on going back in time ....

This afternoon : Came to know that my cousin who was supposed to come to india this winter , is most likely not going to come . Now i had been looking forward to her visit for the last two years so the news was pretty shattering . But what i realized is that 'Circumstances can often have the final say over human desire , and we can't do much about it' . There are slim chances that she might still make it , so i am praying and hoping .......

I did search for a shooting star because i wanted to make a wish ... but some days are just nadirs in the vicissitudes of life . On days like these , while you look up at the stars and wait for a better tomorrow( where serendipity greets you at every corner) , the trick is to just keep breathing ...

Treat Nights : Back to back

Now this weekend's been quite enlightening , though i maintained my usual record of doing absolutely nothing with my academic pending "heap" . I actually found out some things which might (will) help me in the future .

Friday night : Trilogy treat at LS . The menu : the most impressive buffet in kgp that i have come across (elaborating not essential) . Came across a hall and dept. senior , Mr. Anup Goyel, 2004 pass-out , working in trilogy for a year now. Talking to him was a nice experience . Got to know of the work conditions in the software industry , how money is not really a factor to consider in most cases , flexible working schedules and only obligation being that of meeting deadlines . Most importantly , how monotonous coding jobs are !! Now i had a feel of it last summer and for parts of this summer as well . So , now i am convinced that i am not taking up a non-R&D or non-management job .

Saturday night : Pandey,Bharath and Katoch's treat at Punjabi Dhaba . Now the 5+ km cycle ride is exhausting enough with plenty of slopes and bad roads . So the food tasted great despite the not-so-hygienic ambience . i actually sat almost on the middle of the road with the sardarji's assurance that he would save me if any truck was about to run me down !!! got a little taste of small town life (now i must admit : the lazy bone that i am, i haven't really gone around in kgp much , though you could argue that there isnt much to see) . However it was a refreshing change from the virtual, cosmopolitan way of life back in campus . After getting back , played TT for more than an hour . So my saturday went to the gallows as well ;-) . Never mind :)

Saturday :
the day when people got great summer training offers (congrats Shubhra !!)
the day when i spoke with my school-friend Arijit , who's in canada (thanks to GTalk)
the day when i finally managed to convince myself that my decision to invest the next 2 years to pursue my heart's desire is actually a rele good decision (thanks to a meaningful tete-a-tete with kundu) .
After all , my priorities were always "kuchh aur , kuchh aur , kuchh aur" ;-)

P.S. "There are two tragedies of life - one is to lose your heart's desire , the other is to gain it." - George Bernard Shaw .
"There are two tragedies of life - one is to lose your heart's desire , the other is not to pursue it when you know it." - Shaunak Chatterjee .

What makes you think ....

'Coming back home after a month-long "sabbatical" stay in kgp' .. i was looking forward to it . Though with the convocation in the insti this weekend , i guess i missed out on something . But then there were old,really close school friends back in town after a long time .... and i was dying to meet them.


Now , the last few days in kgp have been a real waste (almost ;-) ) . For one , i havent studied at all (other than the OS assignment which i completed real quick coz dpc told me of all the loopholes beforehand) . But the main reason is my new found love (OBSESSION is actually the word) for "ONE TREE HILL" . In the last four days , i have watched 22 episodes (the entire first season.. more than 16 hours ) . WHY ??? 'Coz i guess i just didnt have anything better to do and probably i liked the characters very much .


But its only when you get out of your 'holiday' mode back in kgp , that you realize that there is a big , bad world out here where people are still suffering . You see the numerous beggars on the trains (many of them truly not capable of supporting themselves :( .. ) and yet you cant really do much to help their cause . That's why i probably dont give money to beggars 'coz i feel that i will be unjust to the ones i cant give money to (i know it sounds like a stupid excuse .. but you cant possibly give money to every beggar that you meet) .... anyways ..


Now at howrah .. and suddenly arka was at his generous best ... so i gained a chilled "Frooti" in the bargain !!!! As i was laboriously tugging away at its aluminium 'sip-point' , this little kid (i dont want to use the word "urchin") came up to me and started pulling at my shirt . Now i initially adopted my usual "Sorry , but i dont have change" and "I absolutely fail to acknowledge your existence" stance . But the kid was persistent and he even quoted the price of letting go of my shirt (and mind you , he was pulling at it pretty hard now) .. an 'exorbitant' ONE RUPEE .


Obviously , the manipulative side of me decided to play the trust game . I told the kid to trust me and let go of my shirt first ... only then i would give him money . Initially reluctant , the kid finally let go trusting me to keep my word . And obviously enough i didnt give the kid 'ONE RUPEE' .

A few seconds later ....
The kid walked away from me , a little surprised and hopefully happier 'coz he had expected a hard-earned rupee .. he got a fortunate 'booty' of five bucks !!!
I walked away from the kid .. sad .. 'coz i just realized that i probably should have given more money to ensure the kid had a proper meal .

But then thats life ... unexpected surprises ... trying to do what is right but never quite doing it perfectly .... and a chilled Frooti to complement a clear conscience :)

Keeping the faith ...

The solution to a problem so often lies in itself !!
It sounds stupid but is so true . The issue thats been racking my brains for sometime now , finally found a comely solution , thanks to the internet . Its something that i saw in one of the blogs today that made me realize that
"No matter how hard you try , you cannot alter free will . So , sometimes its for the best that you dont do much and let things take their own course .... Have faith ."
Ironically , it was the internet that had indirectly conjured up the problem , in the first place .

Now , that i am smiling again (i am actually as i type these words) , i can see the clouds moving away and the sun shining through . I know the clouds will return , but then all i got to do is wait .. have faith .. wait for the light of hope to dawn once again . And I must never forget that for me - "the harder i try , the lesser i achieve" (only i didnt realize till now that this applied to non-acads as well ;) )
P.S. the theory applies only to me . apply at your own risk !!

And i have had very disturbed sleep last night because some red ants have invaded my bed . So i need to recapture my territory and ensure proper rest tonight at least .

and ALWAYS HAVE FAITH .. because thats what makes "la vita e bella" (life is beautiful)