When the stars shine !!

Two wonderful birthday cakes (and one of them in my favourite 'pink' ;) ) .. and both of them pretty & 'pretty' delicious :)

Thanks to everybody who remembered and/or called and/or scrapped and/or wished in person. To everyone who forgot, there's always next year :)
The interview was from 11 in the morning .. so decided to watch a movie and chill .. 'STEP UP' till 3:30 .. and then some much-needed sleep.

Next morning, looked at a couple of case studies (after all, that was going to be the deal maker or breaker) and some HR questions. As usual, got late, cut myself while shaving and went to the interview with a blood-spattered collar in an otherwise impeccable formal attire.

So, the interviews began. Surprisingly, there were only HR questions which were fine, but I was a little baffled 'coz I had no case study in my first two interviews. I also mentioned that I was applying to universities for a PhD and that if I got into Stanford, that would be my topmost priority. When asked what my friends thought of me, I mentioned their fetish for highlighting my affinity for anything 'pink' :). And then after lunch, one of the partners of the firm took me out for coffee, and told me that they were likely to make me an offer.

After that, I had one more interview where I was given a case (finally). I think I made a few mistakes but help and hints were always at hand, and soon the interviewer again took me out for a walk and started chatting about the company policies and other things :). All in all, a very enjoyable day!

McKinsey and Company also sent me a cake and my gracious wingies left it untouched till 11 pm in the night, when I finally came back and did the honours (cutting my 3rd b'day cake) !!!


It was a memorable b'day ... my last one with my friends here ... my first one with a job offer (though quite undeservingly) ... and hopefully, one of many to come when the stars shine on me so perfectly well that everything goes my way :)

For the one star that did not shine, I guess its going to be a longer wait :(

The cake was nice by the way :)
"Very nice, esp. the chocolate part" as Kundu says.

Maybe pink would have been nicer :D
After all, success looks best when coloured in pink, right ? ;)

Not just another day

Since the last time I blogged, lots have happened.

The best diwali and an eventful illumination
A typhoid
Not being English enough to bell the CAT
Some ordinary endsems (the chance of becoming 'GOD' gone forever!!)
Filling up univ application forms
Running around for recos
Filling up HR answers for myself, but more for my friends ;)
A dismal project eval despite having worked hard (such a rarity, both!)

And now tomorrow:
My first opportunity ever to bag a job. Of course, I am excited!! Initially, there were some doubts about whether to wait for Google, but now those doubts are gone. Looking forward to tomorrow with anxiety, anticipation, expectation and a lot more!!!
McKinsey and Lehman Brothers - cracking either will require some good work, maybe a lot of good work. The efforts will start from 11:30 and might continue beyond 12 hours.

Hope at the end of it all, there will be more than one reason to smile :)
'Coz I turn 22 amidst all this kerfuffle

Now you know my secret weapon for those innocuous HR questions ;)
All the best to everyone (kgp readers) for tomorrow and the rest of the placement season!!

Yo CSE!!

A 2-hr bus ride to a little eatery on the highway : Rs. ****
A sumptuous feast and a little dance : Rs. *****

A whole CSE batch having a fun night together : Priceless!

There are some things money cant buy,
For everything else, there's MSR ;-)

Thank you everyone for making the night so memorable, and here's wishing we have a few more of these next semester!!

Crossroads

It was very simple at the beginning. There was always only one good path and you had to follow it. At least, that's how I saw life. Right through my school days and into college, I was never in doubt as to what I wanted in life. Today, however, the doubt has crept in. The good path has branched out.

MS/PhD, IIMs, Job -- I guess some part of me wants to pursue each of these. At this crossroad of life, it is so very difficult to make the right call with "zero lookahead". Yet, we have to. So, the best way to handle such situations is procrastination ;) Keep all avenues open and decide at the very end.

The little irony is that while I speak of all these options, I actually don't have a single offer. But I am only speaking about the dilemma of all those who will be lucky enough to have some option, and wishing that I will be one of them :)

If only life were as simple as it was before. Just the one good path and no crossroads. Sooner or later, the dream of the simple life had to go away. This probably is the first realization of reality. Thankfully, it isn't the shocker it could have been!

Find Yourself

"This time in-between exams, is a strangely relaxing time :)

You don't have assignments (so you don't have to worry about who to take it from ;) ), the project work is stalled, no classes .... and of course, the studies can be procratinated till the last hour (ok ... last day :) ).

So, Friday night and Saturday morning in an exam weekend is the best time in our schedule."

Valid argument ???? :P

Still reeling from two exams that were supposed to go well (after all, I had studied sufficiently :( ), but both bombed and spectacularly at that :(( ...... hence, the 'Symbolic Logic' hangover.

But this is indeed a wonderful time to catch up on some movies or tv series or some reading (non-academic stuff of course) or to catch up on some lost tunes.

So, I picked up this song that I really loved when I heard it in 'CARS' earlier this summer. The tune is mellifluous, and the lyrics are truly meaningful. Do listen to it once :)

".........................

When you meet the one
That you've been waitin' for
And she's everything that you want and more
You look at her and you finally start to live for some one else
And then you find yourself
That’s when you find yourself ...
.........................."

Find Yourself - Brad Paisley

Lots of luck and a spot of stupidity

So I woke up at 6:15 in the morning after barely 3 hours of sleep .. thanks to a couple of very well-synchronized crows who started cawing in amazing unison and perfect cacophony !!

Ideally, I would have liked a little more sleep before my GRE, but looks like it was not to be ..
Anyways, more time to read up the word-lists I had never seen !!!
So, did just that ... read word-lists for the better part of the morning ... scared my mom a little with the 'I am not at all prepared' act :)

Reached the examination center well after the reporting time :( .. was studying till the last moment !
Wrote two very ordinary compositions :(
Quants was easy :)
Verbal stumped me .. two words from even outside Barron's .. others were also confusing :((

Then came the score .. I was so elated to see what I thought I saw, that I didn't see it long enough to be confident that I had seen correctly !!!!
As Katoch says "Mere uss samay barah baj gaye the ..." ;)

So now I have to wait more than 2-3 weeks for the score confirmation to come :( .. and all this while, I am roaming the streets smarting a score which might not even be my actual score !!

But till the drop occurs, 1560 is a pretty decent score for that bad a test !! :)
So, the next time you wake up to a couple of crows cawing outside your bedroom, you can rest assured that you will have an exceptionally lucky day, and you are also going to do something extraordinarily stupid. Make use of the former, and watch out for the latter ;)

How I met your mother !!

The answer, very honestly, is 'coz I got tired of studying a couple of word lists !!
That's when I started looking for a new series .. and that's How I met your mother happened :)

Its one more of those NY-based sitcoms (after F.R.I.E.N.D.S) that I have really taken a liking for. But its the ingenuity of the narration style that is of particular note. Would love to sit down with my kids some day and tell them how I met their mother :D

Also the theme (though a tad bit cliche) ..

Boy meets girl ('Have you met Ted?' - awesome game).
Girl meets boy ('So let me guess, you must be Ted').
Boy is immediately into her. Not so much the other way around (Happens ever so often).

And then you have 22 hilarious episodes .. fun-fraught and often poignant. And at the end (of the first season) Ted finally gets Robin (at least, for the time being). In between, there were a string of rejections, other distractions, elation and dejection all at the same time. But as Ted realized time and time again "She is the one".

So, even when he went to her with the final grand gesture and it didn't quite work out .. it only made him more determined (and a little silly too .. who, on earth, does a rain-dance??!!). After all, when you really want something, the universe conspires in a strange way to get it for you.
So, strangely enough, the rain-dance worked. And so did nature's conspiracy.

This is for everyone who is in love with the idea of love ..
Watch "How I met your mother" .. its great and lots of fun too !!!
(though a little piece of advice : don't get started 9 days before your GRE .. 'coz watching 13 episodes a day and then writing a blogpost isn't the most recommended way to prepare for a test this important!!).

But then as I keep saying "There are some things in life more important than any test, the things for which you will travel great distances, write long mails, write even longer mails ;-), think endless nights, (maybe) do a rain-dance, suffer chronic heart-aches ..... all the things that you will do to get the girl of your dreams ..... all the things that will make your own wonderful version of 'How I met your mother' ".

'Cars' : WOW !!!

Ahhh... it's got that new movie smell
!!!

Friday night is always movie time.. and that's been the only constant thing in our schedule thus far, this summer. 'Cars' was by far the best movie I have seen this summer (in fact, for quite sometime). Considering that list contains movies of the likes of Da Vinci Code, MI:III, X-Men III, The Break-Up & Just My Luck, that's quite an achievement for Lightning McQueen (makes up for his Piston Cup loss, I hope).

And behind all the precise and fantastic animation, the take-home really was the message the movie carried and the beautiful, innocent way in which it was presented. It was a genuine portrayal of the concern amongst more and more Americans about increasing urbanisation, about moving too fast, about forgetting to enjoy the sweet simple things life has to offer.

One major thing that I have observed in the people in Redmond (and I would generously generalize it to all Americans) is their attitude towards life. They always have a smile on their face. They are always ready to help. And of course, with all the money they have, they can afford to be pretty helpful. They greet you at every possible opportunity, and apologize for the slightest inconvenience caused (even if they son't have much to do with it).

Back in India, people are just as nice. But bare survival is so very demanding, that most people don't really have the energy or the time to be nice to everyone around them. Of course, we Indians are nice to a fixed set of people (more specifically, the people we know). But when was the last time you went out of your way to help a stranger? When was the last time I went out of my way to help a stranger? Maybe even before I turned 21 !!!

Slow down .. take a breath, look around .. see if anyone needs you .. find out if you can actually help someone today .. live for someone else and it will be a day well-lived. Appreciate the nice people around you .. if you can't do anything more, you can still smile when you meet someone .. these simple things make such a difference!!

So, I was just thinking what my life would be like, in ten-fifteen years .. what I would want to become? Yeah, I'd surely like to be a billionaire, win a couple of Nobel Prizes and a bunch of Turing Awards, be wooed by supermodels, acknowledged by the whole CS community and blah-de-blah-de-blah ... But what I want more than anything else, is simple happiness .. to be loved and appreciated by the people who matter the most to me, and to give back something to my country (seeing the US, I realize just how much work remains to be done in India).

And all this thought evoked by one simple movie, that too an animation movie. That's why 'Cars' is such a special movie. It makes you want to be a better man. I just hope that the little goodness in me (which just loved this cute movie) never dies out. I just wish to be a better man :)

A heart to give this summer

Dpc just walked in like a penguin, and walked out like ... like .. (hmm.. I can't think of the exact thing that he represented) only dpc can :) ..

Quite contrary to my expectations, this internship has been (thus far) very predictable ..
And though I have fancied trying out a lot of things .. I haven't exactly found someone to accompany me on these adventures .. so I guess the ballroom dancing, the poker games and the road trip will have to wait for sometime longer.

Now, summers happen to be the time when my eyes widen a little more, my perspective extends beyond a few hours and a few days and a few movies and a few pages and a few grades ..
Summer is the time when I can and do look around a little more ... somehow, let my heart melt in the summer heat and fall for any sweet girl around, who sweeps the 70 odd kilograms of my fatty body off its 'chicken feet' ;) ...
Last summer, the story unfolded perfectly ... that is the melting part .. the rest (well .. I am sure you can guess how that went :( ).

This summer has been a little different. The heat here (probably hasn't reached 30 C yet, and it just keeps raining and getting chilly) is just not enough for a heart meltdown. So, despite the abundance of sweet girls around, no heart meltdown yet. Though other than the temperature, the major factor for the former is that most of these sweet females happen to be PhD candidates. So, even though they are prefectly nice and sweet, just no tweaking of the heart here.

And here I was, all prepared to give my heart to the one lady who enchanted me this summer. Seems like I might have to finally sell my heart on ebay (alongwith the bicycle I bought here). So, I am in the middle of deciding which one is a better deal (buy the bike, get the heart free .. or buy the heart, and get the bike free).
That smells like trouble...
I am sure the smart people have figured out why such a deal will only attract fishing buddies straight from the woods of Brokeback Mountain .. so that's no good. I am only selling my bicycle.

Of course, this is too early to get desperate. Its only the start of June, and all that happened (not much really, but quite a lot form my perspective) last summer did happen in June. And I do believe that the phenomenon of heart meltdown happens when you least expect it to ...

I still have almost 7 weeks to survive here .. and I am already missing home :(( .. missing my friends .. missing kgp .. missing those nice, lazy, long lab sessions from last summer and somthing more ..

And already thinking of what all I am going to miss next summer .. going to miss the cool weather here, the scenic beauty of Redmond, the money, the tons of ice-cream, Microsoft's pampering, the luxurious apartment and kitchen. But something tells me that I am not going to miss all these as much as I miss the things that happened last summer.

And all this reminds me that this is probably not the best time to miss the world. This is the time to enjoy it. And what better way to do it than wearing your heart on your sleeve!!!
There are places to go, things to do ... after all, I must have some nice stories to tell my kids of my first trip to the US :).

And after all that, let's forget there is code to be written and heuristics to be thought of ...
It's going to be a good summer .. but I somehow expect a little more from June .. because I really want a wonderful summer .. and who knows from where the surprise will pop up!!

Waiting in anticipation :)
Oh, by the way, I meant "let's not forget" in the code-writing reminder ;)

Jobless :((

and now dpc has learnt to operate the alarm clock !!
and has wokrn up unassisted, albeit a little late ..

so from the 12th of May, 8:00 a.m. Pacific Time :) , I am 'unofficially' jobless :((

Looking for alternate sources of income ...
You would be surprised to know that walking to work might end up in a gift voucher here .. trying to make that possibility a reality.

But for now, I must work .. 'coz that's where the big money lies, right ??!!
Waiting for my first paycheck in dollars !!!

..... and on a completely different note .. beginning to like it here :)
Hopefully happier, 'unemployed' times ahead ..

'tis a difficult life

And I thought this internship was going to be fun ..

It starts in the morning at 6/6:30 ...
then waking dpc up at 6:40 (with a pay of $2/day :D)
getting ready for office
cooking breakfast for all three !!! ( without pay :(( )
riding almost a mile of steep uphill terrain on a bike (with a helmet) .. really really tough :(( )
oh .. did I forget to mention the chilly air :(

then park your bikes at first level underground .. then help dpc figure out how to lock his bicycle (without pay again !!)
get back up to the office and start the comp
check 5 mail accounts and orkut account :D .. spending almost an hour on that ..
then getting down to work ..
of course with a break every 30 minutes or so ... to get up and go to the restroom and then get any sort of soft drink you could want/imagine/hate ... somehow 'Wilcox Reduced Fat Chocolate Milk', 'Caffeine-free Diet Coke' and 'good, old water' are my current favourites
wait for the clock to reach 12 o' ... head for lunch .. have loads of fries (which I think comes free .. haven't figured out the billing yet) .. with a slice of pizza .. some salad .. and anything to drink

back to office .. doze for sometime (of course, not officially)
then meet with one of my mentors (almost daily :) .. I love the attention)
discuss .. proudly flaunt my ignorance .. today came to know that we have #ifdef in C .. was quite embarrassing (red-faced smiley)
wait for the clock to be 5:30/6/6:30

take the long trip back home .. (only a 1.5 miles at max ... ) but I think its long .. so I guess it is
on the way, go to this awesome store SAFEWAY ... they have the most delicious varieties of food at reasonable prices (how I wish there was a Walmart around)
anyways .. reach home with the sun almost turning in as well (about 8:30/9)
often cook for the three of us again (without pay AGAIN !!!)

and before you know it .. its tomorrow morning :)

About work :
Well .. we were told on our first day .. that this is most probably classified information :P .. so not taking the risk :)

Achievements thus far :
Transforming dpc into a man (who can cook (strictly under my supervision))
Cooking maggi with aplomb .. frying eggs and chicken with consummate ease
Working the least of the three (in academic matters only) .. of course, thats the way it should be :)

Working the most inside the house :(( .. must not forget that my roommates are getting filthy rich .. earning more than $150 a day .. so should think of charging them soon.

About other experiences .. some other time .. gotta help venu buy a laptop .. and then play a TT game :)

P.S. : I never thought I would feel this way. But someone had said sometime back that probably the thing you miss the most in the US is the Indian people around. I completely agree !!
Though both my mentors are Indians, both my roommates are Indians, the passenger by my side on the flight from Delhi to Chicago was an Indian (an IIT-Kgp alumnus from 1956 .. now a US citizen), the taxi-driver from SeaTac to our apartment was an Indian ........
so many Indians around .. but you cant help miss the people back home ... and the best part is it feels nice to miss them .. feels like a nice thing to do :)

Just wanted to put up a post tonight ..
will post soon again.

"I am sad to say that I'm on my way .. won't be back for many a day"

In a couple of hours, I will be off to Delhi ...
and later tonight, off to Chicago !!!

Excited, a little sad, apprehensive, nostalgic and a lot of other things ...
But no time to write them down .. been running around (my mom) and helping her with the packing ever since I got back home yesterday morning.

Wish me luck and here's hoping I have the best summer of my life, and don't miss all of you too much (which I know I kind of will, but nonetheless) ...

Off to Redmond then !!!
Report back soon from the other side of the world :)

P.S. : Thanks to each and everyone of you, who have been instrumental in so many different ways, to actually make this come true. I have been really lucky to be around such wonderful people. Gifts awaiting the ones who care to read this and ask for it .... he he ;)

You should NEVER !!!

You should NEVER run for 500 metres, in the rain, in sandal-shoes, just after taking dinner, on a slippery road, with only a copy to keep you "unwet", with two equally 'useless' boys, only to reach the Department, when YOU HAVE YOUR ENDSEMS STARTING THE NEXT DAY.

Or should you ????
Well, decision to be made after tomorrow's test.

Lots to write, just waiting for the endsems to get over.
Next week, this time, I will be getting ready for my first day at work !!!
Loads happening in my life, amd yet something (so very important) seems amiss.

Wish me luck for the next 3 days ..4 exams .. hopefully no more sprints in the rain :)

"Joru ka ghulam"

Someone who goes by the name of 'tidu' wanted me to advertise my matrimonial (un)suitability through this tagging thing. So, with brutal honesty tempered by mild narcissism, I state that everything written below (that's restricted to this post only, not the whole blog:P) is true.

Five reasons why I would make a good husband :
1) Simply because I will love my wife as much as I possibly can. I will always have love and time for her. My priorities in life are very clear. Family first, for everything else, I prefer to choose a way of life termed "procrastination".

2) Someday I would love to have a sweet little family of my own. Though that doesn't mean that I have already started planning my kid's names, it does mean I have started planning names for my wingies' kids ;). Actually, I love kids and would love to have a couple of my own to pamper :) and ..... (well, a lot of things which could come under my paternal suitability post)

3) I am more of a listener. So, my wife can always expect to be heard till she is tired out. Of course, I will often need her support and advice and given the fact that it comes from her, I will try and stick to it all the more.

4) This is a little complex. I think I will be more happy to see the joyous expression on her face upon hearing of my success than for actually achieving something. In other words, one could say, that her one smile would be my driving force for so many things. (Precondition is though that I should really love her smile)

5) I will trust her completely and am not really the possessive type. So, she can have her space and more. But I do think I will be able to understand when she needs a hug, rather than a one-km radius of empty space around her. And since I am the perfectly one-woman kind of a person, she can be possessive or blindly confident of my fidelity, and never be let down.

Since, we are supposed to mention only five points, I will just add in passing that I love shopping :) (somehow that is quite a fav amongst the fairer sex) & lovey-dovey movies.


Now, onto some actually true statements :
Why I would make a bad husband :
1) I can't dance. So unless taught, I might be disappointing my wife in case she wants a husband who can dance (to her tunes ;-) ).

2) I am not the strongest man on the planet. My feeble physique means that I will not be able to confront goons on the slightest instigation. So, if my wife has a lot of 'bad' ex-boyfriends, I cannot actually please her by bashing them up.

3) I am no Brad Pitt. So for all those Angelina Jolies or other girls looking for the stereotype "tall, dark and handsome" guy, I could prove to be a real dampener. That being said, people haven't yet called me hideous, so I believe that when I do put up a mirror in my room, it wouldn't crack ;)

4) As of now, I am really afraid of driving. So, those long drives might often take place with my wife at the wheel.

5) This is the slot that you can fill up. Let me know how I can improve my chances in this cut-throat world of competition.

Statutory warning : There are no guarantees that by the time I am 40 (maybe even 35), I won't be snoring in my sleep, have all my teeth, and not grey completely. So whoever is willing to finally say 'yes, i do', better bring a 'snore-less' sleeping therapy, a good dentist's contact and a life-long supply of L'oreal hair-dye for 'dowry' ;).

Hope, after all this, somebody still finds it in her to come into my life and change it forever (for the better of course, if I might add).

"Now is the time to try something new" ???

If all things go as they should, I should be outside India exactly a month from now. For the first time, I might add. Of course, there are some anxieties over the visa (still haven't got an interview date). However, in these matters, luck somehow finds me. Otherwise what did I really possess that entitled me to this wonderful opportunity in the first place ??

Don't really expect to miss my country (I am not exactly patriotic, though I think I should be a little more). Will miss my family, friends, the leisurely summer life in campus :D and a lot of other things. Hope all that will be made up for... and I will come back richer with some wonderful memories and experiences.

So, hoping for the best (and not thinking about the worst), I need to focus on some other issues that demand urgent attention. Networks test, Java assignment, Mircosoft study material, PPC (finally met the man .. had a decent discussion... looking forward to meeting the man again) and BTP work ....
And yes, there are more : Desperate Housewives, Joey, Apprentice, Apprentice UK, Hustle, Heist, One Tree Hill & The O.C. Of course, orkut and blogs to supplement. The occasional movie. The latest addition to the list .. bhatting :D

Its been a roller-coaster week (though I really didn't have any abrupt high .. had an almost all-time low :( ). A little indecision still remains, but this is the closest I have ever got to taking the decision that I so should have taken. As of now, I think I will put it on hold again. And orkut fortunes keep playing games with me ...
Over the last three days ...
"You will never have to worry about a steady income" !!! ... wish that comes true :)
"This winter you will have an unusual shower of success" !!!! ... wouldn't hurt to have some luck in the Apps either.
"Now is the time to try something new" ... Now this one is a bit dodgy. Just hope I was a little less sentimental and a little more resolute.

Its April Fool's day ...
While the whole world is busy fooling one another, I am trying desperately to fool my foolish heart into seeing some sense.

P.S. Nothing is as bad as it really seems. Its just that one gets some strange satisfaction from describing the 'not-quite-existent' overwhelming circumstances that cloud their existence.

Life with some luck and a weak heart

Lucky me !!!
Found out this week that I was actually the IR 1 for one whole semester (of course, I still maintain that arka's CG was more than me, so he was rightfully the IR 1 then .. and undoubtedly IS, now). Nonetheless, it felt strange to know of it now, when I am certainly no longer entitled to such an onerous title.
Not complaining though, because the strange rules in the system made me richer by Rs.10,500 over the whole year :D

Visa problems ... H-3 isn't the most common visa ... so can't be confident about it till I actually get it :(. Also, it doesn't help to have a very busy corporate legal expert overseeing your visa documents ... he never has time to appease you when you are tense.
So, for everyone waiting for the treats, please pray that the visa comes through on time. For those not waiting ... pray nonetheless if you have free time .. you can always claim your treat if the visa comes through ... only claims (proved by a comment on the blog) will be acknowledged ;)

Had a nice Saturday evening ... nice dinner with a lot of chicken :) [vegies .. plz read 'chicken' as 'paneer/mushrooms/veg. jaipuri(LS version only)'] .. then lazing around on GolC .. then Netaji top .. and then Aunties. In fact, quite a nice day .. fraught with movies and tv series :D and no work. May such Saturdays fill up my life. "Amen" (... Catholic school education, you see)

Do watch "The English Patient" at the earliest possible opportunity. Really nice movie ... and perfectly in sync with my favourite genre :)

And finally, have you ever felt that giving up something you really want is so so hard?
In the wake of new information, it seems that I should finally accept that some things are just not meant to be. However, there's something called a heart too, and it calls all the shots in my world. After, much deliberation, my heart is undecided ... the seeds of doubt have been sown .. and that's a new thing. Wish my heart was a little stronger :(
"The heart has reasons, that reasons cannot know"

And all these things just prove the great leveller that life really is ...
You might get things that you never thought of getting (and never actually deserved) ... you face new obstacles in long-cherished dreams even after you thought they had come true ("Many a slip between the internship offer and joining on time") ... you have nice times with nice friends, and your heart is filled with an inner peace ... yet, you are denied what you desire the most, all the time not even knowing the reason of such desire !!!

In such times, when the mind wishes to explore more ...
reality (in the form of java assignments and s/w engg tests) knocks on the door. Oh! its actually dpc ...


PS : "It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about." ... so true !!

Sand, Sea and Stars

The initial plan was to go to Varanasi, after our midsems. With Kashiyatra also on the same weekend, the setting was perfect. But when do things turn out the way we want them to ??!! This time around, Pandey didn't want to go home, so we ran out of shelter in VNS. Change of plans ... a hurried plan to go to Chandipur (a beach near Balasore .. 3 hours from kgp). That too almost got cancelled the night before departure, but Katoch's insistence paid off.

Friday afternoon .. we were squeezed and squashed in the unreserved compartment of East Coast Express and on our way. The 3-hours short journey was a plus. By 4 o' clock, we were in the hotel and in the water by 4:45. Now this beach is quite unlike any of my previously explored beaches (Puri, Digha, Chennai, Mumbai etc.. ) .. its just plain for about 5 kms !!! even if you walk 3 kms into the sea, the water only rises to your waist!!!!!!

The water was great fun .. and then the lazy relaxing on the beach under a moonless, starry sky !!! And the thin population on the beach added to the attraction :). The food was good .. not great .. but good nonetheless .. with the ice-creams, bhujias, fish fries and finger chips and pakodas .. yum yum!!!

Saturday morning was spent exploring the beach upto a nearby forest. Kundu being Kundu (actually catching a crab !!), the cool shades in the edge of the forest and the red-carpet of the crabs on the beach .. quite memorable !! Afternoon of cards and then hitting the water with a tennis ball this time .. more fun, more fun !!! Finally felt like kgp with all its pressures (now thts an exaggeration) was a distant nightmare. More star-gazing in the night on the beach .. just thinking of what life is, could have been and can be ... quality time. And then the absolutely meaningless conversations and bhaats ......

Woke up at 6:12 on Sunday morning .. the sunrise was scheduled at 6:15 .. however, the sun was out when i reached the beach, confirming my suspicion that the times weren't updated. Nonetheless, the just-risen sun was serene .. enjoyable .. the trip was coming to an end. The return train (again an unreserved compartment in East Coast) was less crowded and we sat, slept and played cards.

Finally back in kgp at noon. Quite a trip. Enjoyable for all the right reasons .. should be planning some more in the months to come. For now, should concentrate on ensuring dpc finishes the Java assignments quickly .. got to outsmart MOSS then ;-). And a few more things to take care of.

Best memory :
Lying on the beach and looking at the starlit sky ... seeing more stars than I have ever seen before .. gentle breeze and the distant splashing of the waves.

And now I want to be back there again :(

The Wonder Years

I have watched quite a few TV series, while in Kharagpur. Namely the evergreen "Friends", the suave "Apprentice" and the not-so-suave "Apprentice UK", the slapstick "Joey", the teenage-drama "One Tree Hill", the classical "Rome", the strangely-popular "Desperate Housewives", the ribald "Coupling", the clever-twins "Hustle" and "Numb3rs" ..... . .

Now, I feel a little guilty that if I were to line up the courses I took here, the latter list would be shorter !! But, thats beside the point.

The one series that I like the most, can relate to the most, brings tears to my eyes the most (not tears of sadness, mostly of inspiration and joy - though I never shed them, a little discrete about that :-) ), the one series that is closest to my heart would be "The Wonder Years". It might be due to the strange fact that Kevin Arnold (the protagonist) is just in High School and in the early seventies - so in mental maturity, pretty similar to me ;-). But its not just that. The simplicity with which so many incidents are narrated, the valuable lessons of life (like passing in a math exam .. lol) that come through .... its wonderful.

I still remember that I first saw a few episodes of TWY at the start of my second year, when I was going through a difficult phase. And how I just kept on watching those episodes, one after another .... I just loved it.

Had a torrid first half of the week - when three out of four exams walked down the line of 'horrible-ness' despite my best efforts (which started Sunday evening, and included two trips to Billoos on Monday and Tuesday evening :-) ). Realized that 'A' is actually a pretty good grade and there a lot of people who are happier than me with an 'A' or 'B'. But, I guess everyone has some 'moh-maaya' in his/her life. For me, this just currently happens to be 'My grades'. All I need is a 'Weenie' (that's the best way of spelling the name that I could think of) Cooper and then I can bid adieu to post-bad-examination regret.

And this rekindled love for TWY was initiated by watching two episodes yesterday in Katoch's room. Kevin Arnold thinking ---- "I thought there was a connection between me and Weenie through the spotlight. All I knew was that by focussing the spotlight on her, I was holding her up, and I couldn't let her down. I just couldn't let her down ... "

I just wish that I can enjoy "The Wonder Years" as much when I am fifty and dying. Let the little innocence and goodness in me never die out.

"Dreams come true"

If you haven't read my previous post, you might as well go ahead and do that, to 'understand' and "enjoy" this post more.

So, now that you know of my two dearest dreams (assuming you managed to decode "the bespectacled smile"), it gives me great pleasure in announcing the realization of one of them. Ironically, this is the only that I had actually achieved in my dreams. Even my dreams have never treaded into the proximity of "the smile".

Microsoft Research, Redmond.
The positives :

• Always wanted this Internship more than any other
• More money than anything else
• Its Microsoft, and its Research ... a terrific combination
• Great work, I am sure (though I am yet to find out what it is!!)
• Don't need to worry about how much I would be making/saving (will be more than enough)
• The 'dpc' factor : this was a late addition. What an entry !!!! No mail, no interview, just direct offer !!! Guess, that's the way the real studs operate (P.S. : I also got selected in a group which didn't interview me, some other group had ...... so that makes me a pseudo-stud, at least :D). So, now I can once again work the way I do, that is dpc works, I appreciate it, suggest modifications and then he works again ... hmmm, MSR must really love me, they just have a perfect summer planned out for me.
• A lot more reasons to cheer .. will find out as they unfold post 2nd May .. will keep posting in this space ... promise :)

The negatives :

• No "Evening at Eiffel Tower with ....." : But when thr was no '.....' , then what charm would Eiffel Tower have had ??
• Arka didn't get it. That would have been real fun. Though, a man of his calibre, deserves better .... and USC is more suited to his ambitions and interests. But would have been nice with him there.
• That's enough. A dream Internship isn't supposed to have too many negatives anyways.

For all those who have been congratulating me throughout the day,
THANKS !!!! Special thanks to my wingies and Kundu (kind of hoping this special mention will make them considerate when they go for the cal treat ;). Hopefully, will be in a position to give you all a treat .. contact dpc for more details ;)

Here's looking at the larger picture :
Big dream 1 : IITJEE - cleared with flying colours, undeservedly
Big dream 2 : The bespectacled smile - failed miserably, most probably, deservedly
Big dream 3 : MSR Internship - achieved, undeservedly ;)
Big dream 4 : As of now, 'the smile' .... its only when you have achieved all your dreams that you feel complete ......... completely happy :) - outcome : unknown, prediction : failure :((

Here's remembering the day which has been my happiest since (well .. cant remember the exact date when JEE results came out :P) ... ya, since that time. A day when India won the cricket series in Pakistan, my mother celebrated her birthday by getting a tooth pulled out, dpc celebrated waking up to a real surprise, venu celebrated being on cloud 9 and I ..... I realized it was time I became a little more deserving for all the wonderful things that keep happening to me.

For those expecting an amazing galvanization in me, I would like to tell you that I have these realizations once every month on an average. So ...

For those not expecting an amazing galvanization in me, I would like to remind them that its not every month that I get a Microsoft Research Internship. So ...

And now, since I am not in a mood to study for the remote Monday test, I will try and decide to which of the above groups I belong, should belong, would like to belong and so on ....

Endnote : "Dreams come true" (Westlife) ... Favorite music ... 'eternal optimist' ? ... impossible dream ... 'power cut .. darkness around .. bespectacled smile' .... a summer to remember (2005 or 2006) ? .... "Dreams come true", sometimes.

Of Unfulfilled Dreams ...

Its been an agonising month, for more reasons than one.
What started off as a year full of promise, soon turned into one of despair ... hadn't actually thought I would undergo this much anxiety in getting an Internship.

Tried really hard (of course, by my standards ... but four night outs in five qualifies by most standards, i guess) for Mission Mars. And got stuck where I am most helpless - code debugging. Then, bombed in Overnite, blamed dpc needlessly :). Still won rs.500 (thanks to sourish and everywhere else it is due). Also won some bucks in Spring fest(WTGW .. thanks to sourish), and some cash in C up and Mindsport (thanks to me, finally) .

Internship Blues :
Microsoft Research turned out to be a real hard nut to crack (turned down Bangalore myself (though I am not sure if they would have taken me .. just that I told them I wasn't interested in the middle of the interview) , and Redmond never even called up :(( ). Then

• Aachen not taking 3rd years
• Renouncing Dortmund and
  
• The final fiasco - INRIA too (avoiding details .. wishing well to all those who have applied)
  

Even when almost everything is lost, something remains. After all, good things happen not to good people, but to those who have the best wishes of good people. So, something turned up for me. To those who know details, please avoid them till absolute confirmation. To those who don't, just ask and I will use my discretion is answering ;)

Thanks to all the good people around and not so much around .. who made this possible.

But my dearest dreams remain unfulfilled ....
The bespectacled smile lit by a computer screen, and everything around just dark (hail the inventor of UPS ;-) ) ...
And now MSR, Redmond.

What would it take to at least try to make a genuine wish come true ...
'Coz the biggest regret is when you don't even get a chance to make a mistake ... and you are just left in the lurch to accept that ................ (i really don't know)'

Not really as bitter as I may sound ... but a little sad nonetheless.

In the moment :

• AI test tomorrow, the subject I always wanted to study, but just not feeling like it now :(
• My mom came here today - saw her after a long time, felt really good :)

Time to look ahead. But, the foolish mind looks back even when there is (and never was) nothing to look back to. And then, it stares at the vastness ahead, with the hope of fulfilling some impossible dreams .... "An evening at the Eiffel Tower with .. " flashes by ...

And then, the mind comes back to the present ... and this is where i will kindly take your leave .. AI test tomorrow :(( .
Well-wishers, please start praying.
Thanks.

Euphoria

Spring Fest 2006

What a start !!! School friend (meeting Arijit after 1.5 year) , college friends(meeting Mani, Pandey, Niksam, Bharath and Katoch after 1.5 mins or hours :P ) and then EUPHORIA (meeting them after 1.5 lives perhaps ;-) )

With all the pushing and shoving and an almost stampede ... the show had to be something really special to "break even" in terms of all the effort invested simply to get in. But to put it simply, it was awesome !!!




Well .. they just sang songs .. often manipulating tunes to quite an extent .. cacophonic on occasions .. but it was great. Really enjoyable . The evening had everything ...

• Fun .... "Ladke hamesha pyaar mein laath khate hain, aur ladkiyan hamesha laath marti hai" .. nice Euphoria funda, little twists ("Its my life" - Jon Bon Jovi, "Another brick in the wall" - Pink Floyd, "We will rock you" - Five and Queen and the list continues..) , standing up and sitting down and standing up again only to sit down once more
• The cellphone dance :) ... last year's charm still remains
• A little remembrance .. "Aankhen bandh kar loon jo main, dekhoon bas tumhe"
• A lot of memories ... "Maaeri, yaad woh, yaad woh aayeri i i i i i"
• Third Year confidence ... once TOAT was a little empty, went right up to the stage and took pics (cameras, i think, are not allowed)
• A little dancing !! Well .. as much as I am capable of :) .. which, of course, is literally nil ;)
• Loads and tons and loads of singing and shouting
• Personal discovery .. my teeth appear really white in Canon A-410 digicam pics (the detailed specification 'coz in every other scenario, they appear off-white ;) )
• Great music .. that comes as an after-thought

The whole atmosphere was great (with the exception of the gentleman from behind who kept on requesting for 'Emraan Hashmi' songs). Every individual that appreciates music must have enjoyed.

It was one of those evenings when you are just happy and you don't worry too much about anything else ... when you just forget your troubles (as if I have any ;) ) and partake in the reverie ...

To describe the mood succinctly ...

Euphoria

Decisions

We are given one life, and the decision is our whether to wait for circumstances to make up our mind, or whether to act, and in acting, to live.

Most of the things we decide are not what we know to be the best. We say yes, merely because we are driven into a corner and must say something.

Every decision is liberating, even if it leads to disaster. Otherwise, why do so many people walk upright and with open eyes into their misfortune?

We all make decisions every other moment --- some decisions which have no bearing after an hour, others which stay with us for the rest of our life.

This semester, has been all about decisions .. I guess its like the real-life application of taking decisions under monstrous constraints of opportunity and time. And here I am, the dreamy-eyed simple minded boy who thought which IIT to join would be the toughest decision I would ever have to make !!!

But that was actually easy .. 'coz my heart was sure that I wanted to go to Kgp .. closer to home for 4 years before I went out for a new life. Now, my heart is torn apart. It seems that "the problem of plenty" is indeed a problem. It places the blame of a bad decision on your shoulders and not on 'lack of opportunity'. So, having all the projects on offer to choose from, really was a curse in disguise as I carefully tried to optimize the project contents, the scope of innovation, chances of publication and finally the reputation of the Professor himself.

It finally came down to the classic tussle between an established best professor(who is too busy, at times) and an upcoming, second-best professor. Close-call : Reason said that I should go for the upcoming prof with better chances of a publication (he was also kind of interested in taking me). However, since when did I become intelligent ???

So, I took the plunge and listened to my heart. Selected the Prof with reputation. After all, he is GOD and if there was one person I wanted to work with in IIT, it was this man. Childhood dream coming true ... but you might just be reading in this very space after a couple of months about how frustated I am 'coz my prof has no time for me. Real possibility : but that's the risk you take to listen to your heart. And when I was really undecided, I called up my mom !!!!
And she made the decision for me .. or rather I made her say what I wanted to hear !! So, its no longer my decision -- so no blame on me :)
And going by the record, my mom's decisions never go wrong .. so I should be just fine. And even if I am not, my mom's there to take the blame :)

"The heart is always wiser than the intellect"

After all, we will occasionally make a bad decision .... but I guess that happiness lies in looking at it as the second-best decision that you could have made. And well, for a person who has always been second-best all his life, second-best is like 'as good as it gets'. I can live with the fact that i listened to my heart and made a bad choice, but making a bad choice by ignoring the heart really hurts .

So, done with decisions !!!!
Well ..................................................... not really.

"Wait for Microsoft Research or go to Dortmund/INRIA/Aachen ?????" Any suggestions anybody ?? Even my mother shied away from calling on this one ;)